Time

I hate how sometimes I can wish for the day to be gone but I wonder were the week went.  Graduating from college was a beacon on my timeline; a reference point for most, “Tell me about yourself,” conversations.  Now it’s just way to date myself.  I cringe when I use it.

I feel like the two, forty something year old, guys sitting next to me at the Mexican themed restaurant in the Detroit airport, talking about some of the teams they played in high school, and who put the hit on who.  They were straight out of a Springsteen song.  The only thing that made them more cliche was the pick lines they used on the waitress every time she refreshed their drinks.  Here’s a tip:  If you want to get in a waitresses pants, who is also bar tending, don’t order blended margaritas; they’re a pain to make and it makes you look like a pussy. (They were using high school vernacular, why can’t I?)

I find less blips on my line as I slide away from that cap and gown.  I feel sheepish to consider the small things, but if I exclude them altogether then this year has been one big get up and go to work blur, and I hate that.  Now, a quick disclaimer, I’ve had some amazing things happen to me this year, but I attribute them to me getting older and accepting them as a normal progression in life but they still allow my mind to blur the weeks into months.

I need more benchmarks, and waiting till my wedding day or having children seems like I’m giving in to the, “Blink and it’s gone,” mentality.  Do I loosen my standards and accept the little things as larger victories?  Already that’s not forcing me to change anything.  I feel like it’s listing lion taming under my special skills because I watched four hours of circus documentaries on the history channel.  Padding for the sake of padding, not elevating myself to the next level.

If I let myself drone on, time will slip away.  It’s the bigger moments that solidify that exact spot in time on my lifeline; so I don’t use college to date myself and focus on the ever expanding gap between then and now.  I have something else, a new jumping off point to rise from.  It has to be a combination of thinking and doing.  I need to give a little bit and allow the smaller things to make a bigger impact, as well as strive to grow every day.  Now the only problem is where do I want to grow…

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